the ghost of Your Former Self

Before the pregnancy

before the arguments

before the loss of my daughter

before the short wedding with only you and I

before the pregnancy that started all of that

before we ever met

And before the man before that

who drew and drew and left no sketch behind

and the one before that

and the drunk before that

and the drinks before them

And before I ever came back to this place

when I learned to stand on my own two feet

amongst strangers and with their help I did find my way around

and there were adventures had

And before I ever left my home

and before the assault that rendered me fearful

and pushed me to be fearless

And because I realized the mistakes that led to that

and how I would’ve been better off had I realized them before

despite there being no excuses

And before I fucked it all up

and before it was fucked up

There was a girl that would smile

and her friends had big hearts and so did she

and her family cared for her but knew she had wings

and the world understood she couldn’t stay put

not in one place, not with anyone or for anything

Before this was your life

and sometimes you visit the ghosts

of your former self

and wonder what it would be like if they suddenly came back

to claim what is theirs

until you feel the kicks that bring you back to earth

and you put those thoughts aside

and get some sleep


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